Well, it has been a really long time since I last updated this place and honestly, I really enjoy doing this time to time, but work and everything has kind of robbed me of this small pleasure. But now with the new job, I guess it's time to really update...
For start, had left the old job when the contract came to an end, and honestly, I felt that the experience was good enough to carry forward, although it meant that I had to look for something new and spent one month out of work, which honestly was a much needed break from the monotony of the last job, coming home too tired to really want to do anything. Though, the acquaintances I made there do enlighten me on how the working world really can be, and truth be told, I think that's the best thing I learnt in the last job.
However, I gotta admit that, despite having now a steady income with work, I still feel hollow, but I know what it is that I lack, yet at the same time, I do wonder, if she had seen me now, who she have changed her mind about us...?
Nah, I doubt it. Honestly, while I do wish to an extent, I think it's for the best that I carry on already. After all this time, I have to say that it was still a nice part of my ow history, as short lived as it was.
But now that my new work is starting to smooth out into the second month, I do want to think ahead, decide on what to do next, especially with my goal in mind...
And before anyone who reads this thinks that I have calmed down and am not angsty or angry at anything, I still am, both at myself and people that I have bones to pick with. As long as people continue to err (including myself), I will get angry and upset, until I find the perfection that I seek within everything that I want to achieve. And till then, maybe I'll try a little harder, just to write more often than having a half year gap between all the ruckus.
Ian
You clearly have a lot of anger in you. You need to solve it in yourself and within yourself, not pick bones with others as the problem is not in others
ReplyDeleteWhat is your MBTI?
ReplyDeleteAround 2012, 10+ years ago, I was a kid. But even though I was a kid, I’m not easily manipulated or bossed around by anyone even if they are older, it’s just that I couldn’t have argue well. You seem to be an ENTP-T, unhealthy type. You enjoy debating and teasing others with sarcasm. You selfishly took advantage of me and trying to lead me astray because of my age. A physical older person doesn’t mean a wiser person. I didn’t think you knew what you were talking about, as you told me “Since you said you are not interested, then why did you join Sorarity in the first place? Find the reason you joined and let it fire you up once more”! I wouldn’t quit something when I was still interested, if I was still interested I wouldn’t quit something, I quitted when I was not interested but had enough and was done and dead inside, why would I quit something I was interested in? Did you think I was stupid, or were you that way and thought I was so? You seriously have to understand the difference between WAS interested and AM interested. Once a person like something do they have to like it forever? Just like people cannot cut off toxic friends and couple cannot break up or divorce is it? Nobody resigned and took another job is it? Also do you still like your nursery or preschool toys now? People won’t grow or outgrow or change is it? What’s the point of staying if you are not interested NOW? What about your own energy and feelings and wellbeing and precious time and future and interests and other things or people needing your urgent attention you have been neglected? That’s just one small part of your life, and one that makes you unhappy and tired and is not what you want. Also if you were my friend or an ideal real friend you wouldn’t be so bothered or needy or disrespectful with me over this one thing called fan club and dismiss my morals and values. 1, You are selfishly making me stay for your advantage since you said you needed a partner like me to make noise with you when you didn’t even know me well and also I was an introvert and still am now. And how dare you barged into my personal matter as a stranger or new ‘friend’ by continued to pursue and advise me in my private message after you saw me deleting my public post on my Facebook status which you have commented on? 2, Why? Read up “Internet Groomer”. You have been stalking my Facebook almost everyday after I added you, you liked a post of mine dated back to 2011 and you must be so in love to scroll so far away and it’s at about 3am, and after I unfriended you, you found out within half a day! You were desperately looking for a girlfriend and any females who seem like they have hit puberty are not girls but already women in your eyes therefore are your targets. I asked you if you were into Chloe and Ysanne, you said yes but not sure how they felt towards you, and they were only 12 and 14 about my age then and being a liar you said you didn’t need a girlfriend?! You were preying on lonesome female members in the fan club! You love Sora and just like you mentioned that she’s your type of woman, but you were after the young girl members too, why? You were not only engaging in minor endangerment but also using us as a second choice from Sora! What if the naive girls went ahead with you and regretted themselves? You would never be responsible but push the blame with “I didn’t seduce or pester or harass you, just trying to help you”. Right? You were afraid of losing them, and you tried to manipulate them to give up their morales and adopt yours even though yours are toxic and unhealthy and self-destructive and people-pleasing and then trust you, that’s a groomer!
ReplyDeleteTrue friends want you to feel comfortable, and true friends would understand and respect and leave you alone if you don’t like them at the same time to focus on their own self-care to stay positive and happy, not keep hanging around when you have already dislike them and force you to like them, just like how I was to Sora and still am to all my friends now, no conflicts. Seeing how you from time to time persistently trying to add me back as a friend after I unfriended you, looking longing at me in surprised then kept trying to talk to me or stand close to me when we happened to meet in 2013 at an event in a university, no matter how much I tried to ignore you and pretended not to see you or even got annoyed at you which you went silent and confused and then resumed by answering my questions I was asking another member. That explained why you did that to me online. How needy is that?! That’s you, not me. That is you, this is me. I didn’t wish to be like you, like that. You need to learn social norms, basic courtesy, social cues, and accept or respect people’s decision and feelings, not guilt-trip them as you did so by insinuating that they hurt you by moving on or stopping for self-care, everybody live for themselves, it’s the individual’s life. Also, someone don’t have to directly tell you they don’t like you for you to take it as true, especially if you heard it mentioned by someone before, and you shouldn’t have to put yourself in that embarrassing and awkward spot if you don’t feel loved if you are an introvert with self-sufficiently and social anxiety, even an extrovert with self-respect would not torture themselves like what you suggest, only unhealthy extroverts staying for all attentions positive and negative as is bad attention is better than no attention like that. Also, you were a new member (I’m new SO WAT!!!!!) who didn’t witness anything yet still dared to interfere and conclude so much with no proof, that attitude of yours, major turnoff! Change this cocky big egoistic attitude before you try to look for a girlfriend or even friends. Be independent and stop your self-pitying.
ReplyDeleteLive for yourself and nobody is living for you!
If you are mad now, think back how you treated me, this is how you said you disagreed with my quotes and values then preached your toxic negative unhealthy values at me, so how are you feeling now?
Did I look or seem like an indecisive person? Whose decision was this?
Was I still interested and comfortable?
Did I seem like a submissive and inferior person who had no sense of self?
Did I seem like an naive person who didn’t know what I was doing?
Who was in whose personal space?
Who was in the wrong?
Were you aware that you have already crossed the line into my personal space?
Continue to quarrel with a very new friend over their personal boundaries and comfort zone and interests next time if you want!
Again I’m going to give you these quotes, “If you love someone, set them free. If they come back to you, they are yours. If they don’t, they are never meant to be”, “If your presence make no difference, your absence would make no difference”. If you don’t reflect and think deeply, continue to chase people, live for people, you would always be angry and frustrated and bitter, and your body and mental healthy will decline. You are already 28, old enough to understand, but young enough to self-love before illnesses and chronic pain took over your whole body. Start being an independent and selfless person, be a good spiritual friend, be wiser, be nicer, be kinder, to yourself too.